FaciNg OneSelF

Has anyone said to you, "You need to look at yourself?" While this comment may be off-putting or considered rude, it has value. It is of value in that when one can see oneself from the eyes of others, only then is one able to truly see oneself in full dimension.

Sigmund Freud, 1856-1939, Austrian psychiatrist, founder of psychoanalysis identified twelve behavior habits which he posited created varying degrees of emotional distress and dysfunction. One of these twelve coping habits is projecting onto others that which one does not want to know about oneself. In order for anyone to recognize this coping habit, one has to look at oneself-thus the comment is a gift. Albeit at the moment it might be considered a rude or condescending comment.

Self-important feelings might prompt you to be disrespectful or arrogant. Disrespect or arrogance is a mask for underlying feelings of self-doubt. Unfortunately, this behavior drives others away and thus you feel even less sure of yourself-an ironic cycle. When someone says, "You need to look at yourself," you have been given a gift. This gift can only be given by someone who truly knows you and cares about you. Because if the person did not know you or care about you they would simply go away, leaving you wondering why, thus, leaving you feeling less sure of yourself.

When you see the traits you dislike in yourself in others and adopt an attitude of haughtiness you are avoiding facing yourself and you will end up feeling even more uncertain. Facing your shortcomings boldly can give you the opportunity to regain your self-confidence and help you work through your issues and to cleanse the lens of your spirit. When you look at your self-doubt you will discover that you are better able to relate to yourself and others.

Consider taking all feedback as a gift-albeit might come from an unlikely source. Others are merely mirrors for you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

Instead of using your energy to defend yourself, you can use your energy to face the comment and discover your insecurities or areas that need improvement. When you look at yourself you will feel better about yourself, heal old issues and let go of the need to project your feelings onto others.

Looking at your feelings in a constructive way helps you to avoid projecting your feelings onto others. Discovering the root cause of your need to cope by projecting is important. You are the only one you are fooling by masking your true feelings by projecting onto others. You will enhance your relationships by looking at yourself and improving on those issues that are hindering you from being yourself and allowing who you truly are to come through.